Today, you are two years old!

I typed that and immediately got a little teary. I can’t believe it’s been two whole years since you were born and became a part of our family. What a wild and wonderful two years it’s been!

There are not words to describe the depth of my love for you. Papa and I agree that having you in our lives is a fantastic, incredible gift. I won’t lie, the past two years have been difficult for us in a lot of ways, but your presence throughout has been the one consistent source of joy and brightness for us.

Two years old seems to agree with you; these days, you are a happy, funny, exuberant, spirited little girl.

You seem to always be in motion: running, jumping, climbing, hugging, laughing, dancing. Just watching you is draining! You go go go until you simply crash from exhaustion. We’re working on finding ways to help you learn to calm down, which is challenging but something you definitely need.

We are so very thrilled that you’ve finally started talking to us! We know that you’ve understood practically every word we’ve said for months now, and just within the past three weeks or so, your language has completely exploded. You say a new word every day, sometimes more than one a day. It is so fun to hear your voice and to finally hear what’s going on in your little head!

Some of your favorite (and most useful!) new words and phrases include: help, I do it, come in, go, stop, switch, movie, watch, play, car, rain, wind, hot, sit, water, hold it…and on, and on, and on.

I’m sad that you seem to be slowly losing your signs, although you still sign I love you and please on occasion, and you are slowly losing your adorable mispronunciations of certain words. There are some mispronunciations remaining, though, since you put an –e sound at the end of words with –er. So water becomes “wah-wee,” butter is “butt-eee,” car is “car-eee,” and so on. I love it.

We’ve started playing with friends more often, which you can’t seem to get enough of. You have definitely inherited my extroverted characteristics. You love being with other people, and while you’re overwhelmed at first when there’s a crowd, you quickly warm up and become the center of attention and the life of the party. We had a party here in November, and there were 25 people here, and you just danced and played and had a blast. I barely saw you the whole night!

You have a keen understanding of how things work. If you see Papa or me do something, even a relatively complex multi-step process, you can usually replicate it. My favorite thing you do is that you drag a chair from the dining room table over to the shelf where the record player is, page through the records until you find one you like, pull it out, climb on the chair, take the record out of its sleeve, open the lid to the record player, put the record on, press play, and stand on the chair and dance. Watching you do this is hilarious and really fun.

Like your Papa, you love art and will contentedly color for quite a long time. The easel we got you for Christmas has already seen many hours of use. It’s really fun to see you and Papa put your heads together and create fantastic images.

You don’t seem to have a lot of favorite things. Most of your toys get equal play; your kitchen, your babies, your instruments, and your tea set are all things you play with on a regular basis. You don’t have a lovey or a special doll or blanket, either. (That role seems to be mine.) There are times I wish you did have one, and while you do show preference for one or two of your babies over others, you aren’t attached to them like many kids are.

Any Pixar movie will hold your attention, and you adore Curious George, Elmo, and Arthur. It’s strange for me to realize you’re at the point where you recognize characters and will respond to the way things are branded in the store.

Food is an area I’ve watched with bated breath over the past few months. Your tastes as a baby were so wide-ranging that I was nervous the pickiness of toddlerhood would be especially bad. I’m proud to say that unlike most toddlers, your palate remains as broad as it’s ever been. You enjoy moderately spicy food, ethnic food, and rather epicurean food. Avocado, cheese, hummus, pasta, anything with pesto, olives, yogurt, and tomatoes are some of your favorite things. Oh, and how could I forget? Butter! You still love it and I have to make a real effort to keep it out of your reach, or it tends to disappear!

You also love coffee, even black. You’ll drink an Americano, black coffee, or a cappuccino and beg for more sips. Funny enough, you don’t like juice. I guess you’re just an uncommon toddler.

On that note, you are still nursing at two years old, something I’m somewhat surprised but very happy to report. You love having milkies, or nums, as you call them, and our times nursing together are among the sweetest I can think of.

Another thing that surprises me (because I never thought I’d allow it this long…how naive I was, ha!) is that you still sleep with Papa and me. It’s getting harder these days, as you are a big toddler and take after your Papa’s habit of wild tossing and turning, but even though there are moments we wish we had more room, the benefits and closeness we derive from sleeping all together far outweigh the difficult times.

Elanor, I cannot tell you enough how much I love you. Having you in my life is such a blessing and a treasure.

Love,

Mama

Anyway, we rode bikes for a bit this afternoon for the first time in a long time, a short ride to the park. It was tiring, but it felt really good. I know I’ve lost all the amazing stamina I built up at the beginning of the summer, and that is frustrating, but it felt so good to ride I know I want to ride again soon.

I’ve also been noticing what I’m eating more than I ever have. Since I’ve had Elanor, I’ve never really worried about what I’m eating, and I’ve eaten pretty much anything and everything I wanted. But lately, I’ve just felt gross if I do eat too much or if I eat junk. I think it’s my body telling me that I need to eat better food (we’re still in that cooking rut I mentioned a couple of months ago, at least to some extent) and get out and exercise.

I just looked at the weather, and the next week or so is supposed to be beautiful. And I’m going to ride my bike at least one other time between now and next Monday. Not a huge goal, but I think it’s do-able. I need to get back in the habit of riding more, especially before the rain hits and I’m stuck with no other option. Plus, Elanor loves it. She was grinning and laughing and chatting practically the entire way to and from the park this afternoon.

So, this week’s goal: ride my bike at least one more time before the weather turns.

Does anyone else have a goal they’d like to meet?

Honestly, I’ve been feeling kind of overwhelmed by life lately. Elanor’s birthday party was amazing and fun and wonderful, but it was like all the fondant-covered cake and homemade ice cream caused a sugar high of epic proportions, and then, of course, once everyone went home and I sat back and took a deep breath, it caused an equally epic sugar crash, when the weight of all the partying and prep work and baking and fondant cutting and new toys settled down on me and I realized I was tired. Really, really tired.

I had something of a minor meltdown last night and this morning, as I realized that Brett was going to be traveling again (he’s attending another barista competition this weekend). I was feeling very overwhelmed about him being gone, and about having to do a great many errands without a car and with a very heavy toddler who doesn’t like to be carried in the Ergo much anymore, and knowing that I have a lot of my at-home work to do this weekend and no Papa to come relieve me at the end of the day, etc, etc, etc. (Brett’s mom is, thankfully, here until Sunday, so I’m very glad to have her help. I think my meltdown would have been less minor and more ginormous if I didn’t have her here.)

Anyway, this afternoon Brett and I had a chance to talk post-meltdown, and I’m so glad we did. Out of the blue, while we were riding the bus, he turned to me and said, “So, what can we do this year to make 2009 the most stress-free, fun, enjoyable, easy year possible, since 2008 sucked so much?”

It was a great question, and helped us to talk about our goals and hopes for the year in a really positive way. So, we came up with a list of things we need to do or things that need to change this year. I’ll share part of it here, because yes, I did actually write it down in the red Moleskein I carry with me for moments just like that.

So, here it goes:

How to Make 2009 the Most Fun, Easy, Enjoyable Year Possible or How to Make 2009 Rock where 2008 Sucked

• Spend time together reading the Bible and praying
• Get a car (Gasp! I know! Bet you didn’t think you’d hear me say that. Or read that I wrote that. Whatever. But yes, we’ve decided it’s time. More about that in a minute.)
• Do yoga
• Have monthly date nights
• Go to the Oregon Coast, just the three of us, at least twice
• Eat really good food
• Become members at church
• Let up on pressuring ourselves about things like Brett’s artwork, my blogging/writing, and our social life

Let me expand on a couple of those, especially the car one and the no pressure one.

It’s just time for us to bite the bullet and get a car. I love not having one, in many ways. I’ve talked about that before. But it’s getting way too hard to manage life with Elanor while taking the bus. She doesn’t want to be contained for very long, for one thing, and for another, now that she doesn’t sleep when we’re out and about, so if we go somewhere on the bus (since it takes so freaking long to get anywhere) I either have to sacrifice her naptime or just not go places because it takes too long to get there and get home in time for a nap. And naptime is the only time I have to do my at-home work during the day, so naptime is precious in our house.

Speaking of my at-home work, either Brett or I has to go pick up materials for it every weekday, and while it’s not far from either where we live or where Brett works, given the way the buses run, you wind up having to walk about a half-mile each way from either the bus stop or Brett’s work. And that is a huge pain, especially while carrying a wiggly, heavy baby or when it’s raining or getting dark or whatever. If I take the bus, it takes about 1.5 hours round trip with the riding and the walking and then the waiting for the bus, whereas if I had a car it would take maybe 30 minutes, max.

And if Brett’s going to be traveling as much as he has the past several months, I have to be able to get out of the house while he’s gone, to do errands or at the least just have a change of scenery and some adult interaction, and, like I said, it’s just getting too hard to do if taking the bus is involved.

I know I’ve talked before about how after my heart thing, everyone told me to take it easy. People still do. And I feel like this is one area of my life that I can change so that I can take it easy. It’s within our control, and it is time to take that control and just do it.

I’m sure most of you are thinking I’m way overjustifying this decision. And, yeah, I probably am. I’ve always been a little defensive about not having a car, so I guess it makes sense that I’d feel like I have to overjustify our choice to change that.

This isn’t going to be something that happens overnight; we’ll be looking over our budget to see what we can afford, and hopefully we’ll be car owners once again before too many more months go by.

So, the second item I want to highlight is that whole not putting pressure on ourselves thing.

Sigh.

Part of why I’ve been feeling overwhelmed lately is that I feel like all I do is wake up, take care of Elanor until she naps (while trying to do things around the house), do my at-home work while she naps, take care of her again when she wakes up (while trying to do things around the house), make dinner, eat dinner, put Elanor to bed, maybe clean up some of the kitchen, maybe throw in a load of laundry (and those two are big maybes), and stay up until 9 or 10 or 11 doing the rest of my at-home work.

I feel like there’s no time for me to do what I want to do anymore, and at the top of that list are maintaining friendships and maintaining this blog.

And I think, partly, that’s just the phase of life we’re in. We have a young child, Brett has a busy career, I am busy trying to maintain a semblance of order in our home, take care of our baby, and hopefully make a little extra money in the meantime. That’s enough to fill anyone’s plate; it’s natural that a lot is going to fall by the wayside.

But that’s where the change needs to happen: we need to accept that that is how it is, that things are going to fall by the wayside, and not beat ourselves up about it.

I’ve been feeling so guilty lately for not maintaining this blog or my friendships better. There are SO MANY PEOPLE I want to see and spend time with and get to know better, so many couples and families I want to have over for dinner (the Pearsons, all three of the Barrans families, the Packs, the Jarens, Patrick & Tim, etc), so many ladies I’d love to meet for lunch or coffee or a walk (Merilee, Amber, Isabel, Nicole, Julia, etc), so many fellow moms with whom I want to go to the park (Katie, Leah M., Marianne, Joy, Gala, Heidi), and so many more friends who live far away with whom I want to email more often or call more often (Carolyn, Marci, Daisy, Annie, Carmen, Becca, Kris, Stacey, Karen, etc). And all of those names represent just a selection…there are many more that I’m sure I could think of if I sat here for a few minutes.

But it just doesn’t happen. Partly, having to do my work at home makes it really hard to go out and see people because I do count on naptime to do my work, and if I don’t get at least some done then, I’m up until midnight or 1 a.m. finishing it on time. And I cannot do that. I just can’t.

The same is true for my blog. Writing this post right now is going to mean that the next couple of days are pretty pressure-filled and hellish for me work-wise.

I’ve been trying in the past few months to make this blog be more than it is, and it’s time to stop. I’ve kind of come to realize that I’m not going to be the next Amalah, or the next Pioneer Woman, or even the next Isabel or Frema. It’s not going to happen, as much as I would love it. I can’t force it to happen. And the things I need to do to even put myself in that league are not things that I have the energy to do these days: daily or, jeez, even twice-weekly posts, weekly features (yeah, don’t you love how the meal plan lasted one week? gah. *slaps self*), commenting on and linking to other blogs to drive traffic here, etc, etc, etc.

I just need to let that pressure go. I need to stop thinking, “Oh my gosh, I have to go post on my blog, I haven’t posted in a week, I’m going to lose readers, aaaaaahhhh.”Because seriously? Probably about 90% of my readers, as far as I know are my friends. And you’ll keep reading anyway. So I really just need to take it down a notch, and, well, take it easy.

And that means that I’ll post when I can. It’s not going to be as often as I’d like, of course, because I seriously wish I could post every day. I know there’s enough swimming around in my head that I could come up with something every day. But I’m going to stop pressuring myself to post. I’ll try to use free time to blog instead of just randomly stalk people clicking around on Facebook, yes, but at the same time, if I feel like stalking people wasting time on Facebook instead of writing? Then Facebook it will be, and I won’t feel guilty about it.

So, if you are one of those friends I mentioned above, or if you and I talked about getting together and I’ve just never followed through, or if you wrote me an email, like, a month ago and I haven’t replied: I’m sorry. Really, I am. It’s not you, it’s me. I like you. I want to hang out with you. I want to be friends. But right now? I just have to let it go, and if it works out that we can get together, then great, and if it doesn’t then it doesn’t, and maybe it will someday.

All that brings me back to my heart stuff. Having that experience has taught me that life is too short to worry about all of this. I want to enjoy my life, and as part of that, I want to enjoy what I write here and the fact that I even have this site. I don’t want to feel pressure about it, and that was what it was turning into, just one more obligation.

With all of that said, finally, I’m going to blow off working for the evening (which is going to make tomorrow suck, but oh well) and call it a night. I’m tired. It’s been a long, stressful, overwhelming day, but at least it’s ending with a new sense of clarity and direction and purpose for Brett and me.

I’ll be back with another post someday: maybe in a week, maybe tomorrow, maybe in a month. But please, do keep checking in, because I will definitely be back.

We have had a nice weekend. My mom and sister and niece and nephews came for Thanksgiving and stayed through today. It was fun to have them here and to hang out with them! We didn’t really do anything exciting, but it was nice just to spend time with all of them. Plus, my mom did nearly all of my gazillion loads of laundry that were piled up, and a ton of dishes all weekend. Nice!

Brett’s going to be traveling some more this week, so I’m trying to get as much as I can done around the house today and tomorrow before he leaves. It’s going to be a hectic week, but we’ll get through it somehow.

I don’t have much else to say. Brett’s going to come upstairs and we’re going to eat ice cream and watch a movie, so I don’t want to type much more. I want to hang out with him while I have the chance!

Her reasons for breastfeeding, and the way she explains it to Big Bird, are perfect. I wish that shows running now would show nursing like this, in a simple, normal, relaxed way. But I really doubt anything like this would be on these days!

I’m in the process of making the leap from Blogger to WordPress, finally, so hopefully my old posts, etc, will be here soon. I’m also planning on working on a total redesign in the coming weeks, which I’m really excited about. But no promises on how soon I’ll have that up. It may take some time.

Anyway, an update about our week in Portland last week is forthcoming. It was good, but I’m definitely glad to be home. Hopefully I’ll get to that in a day or two. Now that I know I haven’t deleted my blog, I am all excited to get this new-ness up and running!

The barista competition was the first thing that thrust him into the spotlight. He had a picture and a mention in a Barista Magazine article (he’s on page 23), which was fun. He’d leave the magazine open around the house when friends were over to see if they’d notice his picture.

If that wasn’t enough, the beard competition that we attended in Bremerton last weekend has generated even more attention. Brett won second place in the Full Natural Beard with Styled Moustache category. (There are lots of mostly very dark pics on my Flickr if you want to take a look.) It was pretty hilarious. There’s so much I could say about the beard competition but it really deserves its own post…and it’s way too late at night for me to try to write that tonight.

There was a reporter from the Seattle Times at the competition. She wrote an article about it, and another reporter did some interviews on video, which are posted on their website.

Even more exciting than that, there was a photographer from Newsweek there. Yep, that Newsweek. He took some pretty awesome pictures of the event. Check out photo six. I think I look pretty ridiculous. Or angry. Or…something. I don’t know. But I look silly.

Then, in addition to all of that, we went in to the studio at 710 KIRO tonight for an interview with Luke Burbank and Jen Andrews of Too Beautiful to Live (tbtl), a radio show that airs every weeknight. They heard about the beard competition from our friend Nikki, and wanted him to come in to talk about the beard. But then they read our websites and realized what had happened to me and wanted to talk about that, too.

So we spent about 45 minutes talking to the two of them about our lives, my heart, and Brett’s beard. I kind of forgot I was on the radio; it was fun to talk with the two of them and, I’ll admit, to talk about ourselves. (If this blog proves nothing else it at least proves I’m good at talking about myself.)

The archive of the show is up on their website for those of you who have an hour or so to sit and listen to us ramble on about everything from beards to being in a coma to music.

And for anyone who might actually have come here after I mentioned my blog address on the show, welcome! Thanks for taking the time to come over and take a look.

Ok, I gotta wrap this up. It’s really late and I have to be up insanely early. Blech. Maybe I will get up a few extra minutes early (really, what’s the difference between 6:20 and 6:40? not much) and go get a coffee for my bus ride. I’m finished with my book — re-reading LOTR for about the eighth time [seriously, I'm a nerd where these books are concerned], I have a post brewing about that too — so it would be a good day to listen to a podcast and sip a mocha on the bus.

So, yeah, we are sorta famous…kinda…hopefully we don’t get too much of a big head about it.

Well, the whole principle becomes defeated if you eat three of them. Uh. Not like I did that or anything. Right.