I’m still working out the kinks and customizing things, so bear with me over the next few days. I’ll be back soon with updates about life — there are some big ones to share!

In the meantime, enjoy the new look!

On Sunday night, Elanor was asleep and I was sitting next to her messing around online, reading different blogs, etc. It’s hard for me to turn the light off and go to sleep when Brett’s away so I was procrastinating doing that by reading a lot of blogs that I hadn’t read for a while.

One was Post Secret, where people send a postcard with a secret written on it to a guy in Maryland or somewhere and he posts them on this website. It’s mildly interesting, normally, but not a site a visit regularly.

Anyway, I came upon one of the secrets that had a picture that completely and utterly FREAKED ME OUT. I seriously can’t convey to you the depth of my freaking out-ness. I felt totally squicked after seeing it, just disgusting, creepy crawly all over, sick to my stomach, just sick.

I’ll describe it but I’m not linking to it or posting a picture of it because EW EW EW. It’s a picture of a breast (you can’t really tell it’s one, though) with, like, the pods of a lotus seed flower thingy photoshopped over it. Doesn’t sound too bad, right? Totally fake, right, so what’s the big deal? Well, I know, I know. I KNOW. It’s fake, I shouldn’t be so freaked out, etc.

But I have been haunted by the image ever since I saw it. I cannot get it out of my mind even now but it was particularly bad right after I saw it. I was terrified that I was going to have nightmares about it, especially because Brett was gone. I prayed and asked God to please help me not to have nightmares about it, and thankfully, that prayer was answered.

Still, it’s stayed in my mind since then and I think of it and get creeped out every time I nurse Elanor. Not an association I want to have, thankyouverymuch.

I’ve read some about the history of the image online since I saw it and apparently the image was sent around with an email forward (which was disproved on Snopes, by the way) a couple of years ago, claiming that it was (warning: seriously sick) a woman’s breast that was diseased.  She had been to Africa, gotten a rash, and then it got worse and she took off the bandage one day to discover maggots crawling around in her breast.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. *Kathleen runs screaming from the room*

I was reading some more on the Post Secret forums, actually, and people were saying that it creeped them out, too. But what they were saying was that it wasn’t the idea that it was maggots that freaked them out, it was the clusters of holes. And I realized that was totally true for me, too. It freaked me out before I went to Snopes and read the story of the rash and the whole maggot thing. My initial reaction, before I knew anything about it, was one of utter horror and disgust, in an almost visceral way.

Again, from my reading, I learned that there’s an actual phobia of clustered holes/bumps, especially in organic material or in material that’s supposed to be smooth — like the skin of a woman’s breast. It’s called trypophobia.

Now, I don’t think I have the actual phobia (mine’s not that severe), but in reading the descriptions of what the phobia entails, I think I at least have some of the mild symptoms, especially a fear of small holes in organic matter, small holes or clusters of holes on something that would otherwise be smooth, and small holes that aren’t exactly round — things like honeycombs can be problematic, for example, or holes in wood, or especially lotus flower pods. But, say, the holes in the metal washing machine basket? Those don’t bother me at all. Weird, I know. Another complication that’s definitely true for me is the idea that there is or could be or appears to be something IN the holes that doesn’t belong there. (Maybe this explains why I cannot ever leave a zit unpopped?)

I am trying to think of what could have caused this, and I’ve come up with a few conclusions.

1. I vividly, vividly remember a dream I had when I was maybe 9 that seriously freaked me the heck out. Like I thought about it for months and it really disturbed me. In it, a kid I knew kept vomiting this blue honey-comb-like stuff. It just flowed out of his mouth every time he opened it. I was seriously disturbed by that dream at the time and even still feel mildly squicked when I think about it.
2. When I was little, maybe 7, I was playing on the church playground and I put my hand around a wood post, only to feel that the other side was infested with a teeming mass of small, round-ish bugs that had burrowed into the wood and were just clustered there on the back of the post. It scared me so bad I ran through the church hallways screaming, trying to get to my mom, who was in a church meeting in the parish hall.
3. Having shingles when I was 14. The clusters of blisters…oh, ew ew shudder ew. Nothing more needs to be said.

Yeah, so I don’t know. There’s really no point to this, other than the fact that I was majorly weirded out by the picture. Weirded out doesn’t even describe it right. Disturbed, maybe. Twitchy. Ughughughughblahbleckewyuck. Something.

Thankfully, I’m feeling better about it today. It’s not so very disturbing although the compulsion is still there for me to go back and look at the image over and over and over again. I am trying to make myself look at it so I can confront what freaks me out about it but at the same time I don’t want to obsess any more about it so I’m not really sure if looking at it is healthy or not. Probably not.

Ok, I’m done. I’m going to go upstairs and get cozy with Elanor and try really hard to not think about this.

Does anyone else have this problem? Do you have a different fear that is totally irrational but makes you all twitchy regardless of the fact that you know in your head it’s irrational? Do you have any ways you cope with fears/reactions like this? Please, help me feel like less of a freak and tell me what squicks you out.

Brett somehow found this link, and I thought it was not only funny, but I also really liked the illustrations.

Given our experiences this summer, it seems appropriate to post, even if it is just ultimately an ad for some matchmaking site.

So here it is: http://www.biggerbetterbeards.org/

Hope it gives you a laugh!

Anyway, I love reading each and every one of your comments, so I always feel bad if I don’t respond. But it seems like responding in the post is an imperfect way of doing it, but making a new post is sort of superfluous. So I guess this will do for tonight, but in the future, I’ll do like all the other bloggers and respond in the comments section of the original post.

Okay, here goes.

Several people left questions on the post I made a while back about diapers. Sorry I haven’t answered yet! Better late than never, right?

Sara asked, “I’ve heard about gdiapers, but I don’t really understand them, I guess. Does just the inner portion get disposed of?” Well, yes. Sort of. Here’s how they work. You have a cloth cover (think t-shirt cotton) that’s lined with PUL, kind of like regular cloth diaper covers are. These covers, though, have a snap at each corner, where you snap in a plastic-y shower-cap-like liner thing. Inside THAT goes what I call the giant maxi pad liner. That’s what catches all the waste. So when you change the diaper, usually the outer cotton cover can be reused, and maybe half the time, the shower cap thing can be, too. You just have to replace the maxi pad part. And you can either flush that part, compost it, or just throw it away. It’s pretty easy, and it’s a good solution for us for when we travel.

Kris mentioned how expensive the g-Diapers are. And, you’re right, they aren’t cheap. But since we use cloth almost all the time, I can justify the cost of the g-Diapers for when we travel. We were in Portland for over a week and I didn’t even go through a whole pack. I try to buy a pack at Fred Meyer (or wherever) when they’re on sale and stock up. The way the sizing is, she’s in the M/L size anyway so it’s not like she’s going to outgrow them.

Kathryn asked in that post whether or not I was intentionally making a pun when I said our plumbing was crappy. Ha, no, I wasn’t, although that’s a good pun.

Kristin asked which kind of cloth diapers we use. Most of the time, it’s prefolds with Bummis covers. I have one Thirsties cover (which I really love; I want more!) and I have two Kissaluvs fitteds, as well as a Sugar Peas fitted. I got those three at the consignment store, and while I love their ease of use, I find that the Kissaluvs give Elanor a rash when I use them. I wonder if they have some kind of residue? I am having issues with my prefolds being smelly, too, but all that is a topic for another post. I love my prefolds. They work well for us and while they were intimidating to fold at first, now I could do it with my eyes shut, no problem. (They do intimidate Brett, though, not to mention our extended families. That’s why I have the fitteds; they’re a lot more user-friendly.)

On 11/2, Kristin asked, “Why do you like wordpress better than blogger?” Annie asked me the same thing via email. I really like the behind-the-scenes stuff better on WordPress. I like the dashboard and controls. I like the plugins and widgets that are available, and that can be used with any design/theme/template. (In Blogger, you are restricted to using one of their themes if you want certain design features. So in the name of convenience, I sacrificed and had a boring boring boring design because it was easier to manage the rest of the features.) I just feel like it’s a more professional, user-friendly interface. *shrug* I don’t know if that’s a complete answer or not, but I just prefer its functionality. It does, though, require a little bit of website savvy if you are going to make a lot of changes and modifications. My teensy bit of knowledge about HTML, etc, definitely helps here. If you have any specific questions, let me know!

In a comment on my coffee post on 11/6, Annie suggested the idea of Brett doing a guest post to show how to make a French Press. Great idea! I mentioned it to him and he said he’s up for it, although it might be a while as he’s going to be traveling a lot for work in the next few weeks. (Again, that’s a post in and of itself…sigh.) So keep your eyes peeled for Brett the Coffee Master’s Amazing French Press Tutorial.

Annie also said she wanted to hear how the massage date went on Friday. It was awesome!! We had an incredible time. It was just what we needed, both from a physical standpoint and from a relational one as well. It was wonderful to just spend time with Brett, and our massages and the water treatment thingy they did were both wonderful. Afterward, we went out to one of our favorite restaurants and each had a big bowl of soup (Soupe a l’oignon gratinee for him, Soupe a la courge rotie for me) and split a half-bottle of red wine and a bowl of french fries. I was so relaxed and happy and buzzed from all of the wonderfulness, you could have rolled me out of there. It was a wonderful evening, and I wish we could do it more often.

Bridget left a comment on my post about links suggesting I check out SouleMama. Thank you so much for the suggestion! Not only is it fun to read her blog because (despite how glad I am to be back in Seattle) I do have a fondness for Mainers, but I also like reading it because I love her sense of style (Annie, you’ll love it, too!) and her general aesthetic. Thank you, Bridget!!

I love reading about everyone’s food quirks, too. Thanks for sharing those. I definitely love Cheez-its, too, Carolyn, and Arianna, your ice cream-milk-marshmallow thing sounds very creative. Kris, I am with you on the bread (I should post my beer bread recipe; OMG, that stuff is so good hot from the oven with butter all over it). Annie, have you had Breyer’s Oreo ice cream? It is like crack to me. And Molly, I like vanilla pudding, too, but chocolate usually wins for me, hands down. (We should make cream puffs sometime; the recipe I use calls for the filling to be made out of vanilla pudding. NOM.)

Okay, I think that just about brings me up to date. If I missed a question, comment here and I’ll answer it for you!

It’s Lovely, I’ll Take It!: Pictures and snarky commentary on house and apartment listings.

The “Blog” of “Unnecessary” Quotation Marks: Pictures and snarky commentary on unnecessary quotation marks.

Best of Craigslist: Ridiculous (and often inappropriate) posts from Craigslist sites everywhere.

passive-aggressive notes: Passive-aggressive notes. And, of course, snarky commentary.

Apostrophe Abuse: There are lots of local apostrophe abuses on here, including two recent ones from my neighborhood.

I Can Has Cheezburger: My favorite. I’ve been looking at this site for a long time now, and it almost never ceases to make me laugh.

FAIL Blog: What can I say? It’s fun to see other people failing. Plus, I like the snarky commentary.

Elanor was a skunk for Halloween.

Seriously. I cannot handle the cuteness. Someone gave us the hat (which is from Hanna Andersson) when she was born, and Brett and I fell in love with it. She wore it all last winter, in rotation with the hat Brett’s mom made for her. I loved that it tied on, for one thing, and I loved that it was different than the traditional baby hat.

When we were in Portland last week, my mom and Brett’s mom and Brett’s sister and I went to the Hanna Andersson outlet. I wanted to see if I could find more hats in that style, hats that cover the ears and tie under the chin.

Not only did I find three similar hats for $2 each (that’s right! $2!!!), but I found that costume. A skunk costume. Made to go with the hat we already had. And it was on sale for $5! Clearly, it is worth more than that; she’s beyond adorable in it. I’m so glad we found it!

Also, I didn’t mention this in yesterday’s post, but obviously I’ve picked a new site design for the time being. At some point, I want to design my own theme, but I have neither the skill nor the time at this point in my life, so a pre-designed one it is. And I’m happy with it. It’s a little brighter than I initially thought I wanted, but I need a little color in my life. I’m pretty excited about the new look. The more I learn WordPress, the more excited I am about the possibilities for what I can do. Keep your eyes peeled for more small changes over the next few weeks as I continue to learn!

At her appointment on Friday, Elanor measured thusly:

28 inches long
23 pounds, one ounce

Okay, if I’d thought this out better, I would have just had people guess on her size, because the chances are slim-to-none that anyone would guess both right on.

And, of course, no one did, so I guess I will have to declare two winners:

For weight: Meg, whose guess of 23.5 pounds was only off by a few ounces
For length: my sister Melissa, who was right on with her guess of 28 inches

Congratulations, ladies! The prize is a $15 gift card to Powell’s Books, my favorite bookstore, because everybody needs more books! Meg, send me an email to the address in the sidebar with your mailing address and I’ll get it out to you, and Liss, I’ll get yours to you when I’m down there next week.

Thanks to everyone who participated; it was fun! I will have to think of some more contests in the future.

My two cents on her weight and height is that it sure as heck seems like she weighs a lot more than that. *shrug* I was downright shocked when I put her on the scale and that’s what it said, but there’s no arguing with a scale. It means she’s still 95th percentile for weight (only 75th for height) so it’s not like she’s small, she’s just lighter than I guessed. I suppose she just seems a lot heavier since I carry her in the Ergo so often. Go figure; apparently I am just bad at guessing these things.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Elanor,

Today you are nine months old! I am not sure what to write without it sounding trite or full of clichés about how wonderful you are or about how much I love you or about how much of a joy it is to be your mom or about how fast you’re growing. (All of those things are true, though.)

Eight month picture, September 14

You are getting bigger all the time and are continuing to develop into a fun, hilarious, curious, good-natured child. That said, Papa and I are starting to get glimpses of how strong-willed you are. If we’re doing something you don’t like (usually involving holding you in our arms and trying to get you to go to sleep), you protest vehemently with crying, grunting, and arching your back to try to make us let go of you and let you keep playing.

Playing, September 24

You are both crawling and standing up with ease. A few weeks ago, when Noni was here, you stood up in the bathtub, holding onto the side with your right hand. You then noticed that your rubber duckie was in your left hand. So, you let go of the edge of the tub, standing on your own and playing with your rubber duckie. Noni and I looked at one another in amazement and disbelief as we watched you stand on your own for at least 30 seconds before sitting back down on your bum.

Standing up, October 13

Since then, your pulling up skills have vastly improved, and you will now pull up on anything. You cruise around the living room, holding on to the edges of the furniture. We can’t leave you alone for a second anymore; that’s how long it takes for you to get into something you shouldn’t or to lose your balance and bonk your head.

Making malarkey, September 26

These days, your favorite toys appear to be mostly non-toys: our camera bag (best.toy.ever), Papa’s hairbrush, a plastic clothes hanger, your shoes, and a silky ribbon belt that came with a pair of your pants. I gave the belt to you to play with because I just could not fathom putting a belt on a baby. It appears to be a good decision, since you love it so much.

Nom-ing another favorite non-toy, Papa’s deodorant, October 12

You are eating a lot more table food. We recently got you a high chair and you enjoy sitting up at our level for meals. You have not rejected any food yet (including Kalamata olives, which was a huge surprise for us) and you enjoy eating all kinds of different things. You pick up the little bits of food with your thumb and forefinger and bring them to your mouth. If things are crunchy, your (now seven) teeth take care of it, while making a really cute crunching munching sound. You still love to nurse, though, and I’m so glad.

Eating peach cobbler, October 6

Every week you seem to babble more. You now say many, many different babbling sounds. While you don’t have any real words (other than Mama) you do seem to be putting the pieces together about how language works, varying your tone when you babble and listening to everything we say. You’ve begun to say Papapapa, and I believe you are starting to understand it means that big, hairy, bearded guy who likes to tickle and snuggle you. And it’s no surprise that you’ve figured out how to tell us you don’t want to do something, which is when you say Neenaynaynay.

Peering over the edge of the couch while starting to stand up, October 13

You also seem to understand some signs, especially the sign for more, which you seem to do by clapping your hands. This afternoon, you were sitting in your exersaucer and you clapped your hands. I looked over and asked you if you wanted more Veggie Booty (your favorite food, ever, hands down, no contest) and you got a huge smile on your face and clapped your hands together more, as if to say that I understood you. You now patty-cake, too, (which Noni taught you) on command and love to clap your hands even if you aren’t trying to say more.

In the Ergo, about to leave for community group, September 23

The best thing that’s happened in the last month is that I’m done with my job and I have been able to be home with you all day, which I love so much! We have a good time, going for walks, playing toys on the floor, or rolling around and laughing on the bed.

Being gorgeous, October 13

Waking up next to you and Papa every morning and seeing you smile at each of us in turn is a beautiful thing, and I look forward to it every single day. I know, I say this every time, but you are truly a joy and a pleasure to spend my time with and to parent. I love you, my girl!

Love,
Mama

She printed them today and they look beyond amazing. I will scan one and post it soon; it’s really lovely. I’m thrilled with them. (I’m actually hoping to eventually take the plunge and move away from Blogger entirely at some point in the near future and do a website re-design that will incorporate elements of the cards. It will look really cool!)

(PS — if you need any stationary made, like business cards, notecards, wedding invitations, baby announcements, basically anything you can dream up, you should talk to Rosanna. Her work with the letterpress is truly talented and she’s working at building up a business so she’s eager for projects. I’d be happy to send her email address to anyone who is interested.)

Any link listed as http://shinelikestars.blogspot.com will continue to point here for the time being, until I move away from Blogger entirely, so that is convenient.

Ok, Brett just brought me some chocolate ice cream, so I’m going to enjoy it while I keep typing in www.theleen.com over and over again just to see how fun it is to have my own domain name. I’m such a dork.

Well, here it is: I am the newest columnist for Seattle Mom Blogs! I’ll be writing a weekly column called Carless in Seattle, which will (obviously) be about our carless lifestyle, as well as our other efforts to live in an environmentally friendly way.

Here’s the link to my column: Carless in Seattle.

You’ll notice, too, both the Seattle Mom Blogs badge and the Carless in Seattle badge in the sidebar. Both of those should (if I can set them up right) link to the site and to my page.

So check it out! I know all of you moms can find something relevant on there, especially you Puget Sound ladies. There are lots of other columns about all things mom-related and Seattle-related. Poke around; I know you’ll enjoy it!

Here’s where I need your help: if you have questions about our carless lifestyle, feel free to ask them here by posting a comment. I’ll ask readers over there to post their questions, too, and I’ll answer them in various posts over there.

See you over at Seattle Mom Blogs!

Thanks to D for the reminder…her blog is one I should have added!

And Baby B Makes Three — D’s blog about her life with her little girl, Baby B. D and I “met” on a message board for miscarriage survivors. She, along with the other girls on that board, helped support me through the dark time last year. The board has been a fantastic resource to have, not only throughout the grieving process but also throughout pregnancy and now as a parent.