I’ll let the photos speak for themselves.

My pregnancy with Elanor and her birth was the first hard/good thing to happen. She is amazing, and wonderful, and definitely one of the highlights of the year: the ultimate good thing. But my pregnancy with her really took a toll on my body, and her birth was long and difficult and painful and not at all the birth I had wanted or envisioned. Still, the good that came out of her birth was so wonderful; knowing her and having her as our daughter is a joy.

The second such event was my heart incident in May. Obviously, the bad part is that it happened in the first place and the good part is that I’m alive. The difficult parts of that event, though, are still echoing through our lives. (That’s another post in and of itself. It’s nothing catastrophic, just new doctors with new theories and new tests to run, following which I may have a new diagnosis. But all of that is waiting on some insurance logistics to get straightened out so it will be well into the new year before I have anything to report on this front.) The fact that I came so very close to death is something that is hard to shake, especially for my mom, I think, and for Brett, too, although he’s somewhat reluctant to admit it.

The third bad/good event happened on Christmas Eve.

As I’ve said, it’s been snowy here in the Northwest for the past couple of weeks. (It’s actually melted now, but only as of yesterday.) Anyway, that much snow is unheard of for this area of the country (I think we had about 12 inches here!), and what’s even more shocking is that it stuck around for two weeks. Generally, the temperatures rise and the rain typically melts it within 24 hours.

The roads have been pretty icky in the city, but they’ve been totally managable. I mean, hey, like I have said before, we know how to drive in snow. So despite our parents’ protests to not come down for Christmas if the roads were bad, we loaded up our friend Robbie’s Jeep, turned on the four-wheel-drive, and left our house about 8:30 a.m. on Christmas Eve, ready to get to Portland and start celebrating with our families.

We were borrowing Robbie’s Jeep because he went out of town for the holiday, and since we don’t have a car, he offered to let us use it to get to see our families in Portland to save the $200 on the rental car if we’d drive him to the airport before we left town.

So, we dropped him at the airport and we were driving down I-5 and were just south of Olympia. The pavement, up to this point, had just been bare and wet, nothing bad at all. I had just taken a break from writing a year-in-review blog post to call my mom to try to firm up our plans for later in the day. The two of us were chatting, and I had just updated her about where we were, how the roads were, and when we thought we’d arrive when all of the sudden there was some slush on the road, in the left lane, where we were traveling. Brett had only been going about 50, and he immediately slowed down. We slid a little, he slowed down some more. He put his blinker on to get into the right lane, going maybe 40 or 45 at this point, and started to get over.

The tires must have hit the snow just exactly wrong, and we started to slide sideways, then the back of the car came around and we started to spin in a circle in the left lane of the interstate.

The back of the car hit the median, bounced us off, and rolled us over.

We landed tires down, facing backwards in the lane we’d just been traveling in. Brett and I both thought at that moment that we’d jumped the median but thank God we hadn’t. We also didn’t hit any cars and no one hit us — a huge miracle.

Elanor had been asleep and she was, obviously, woken up by the screaming and crashing. Brett was able to turn right around and get her out and she calmed down and seemed fine once she was in our arms.

I somehow managed to hold onto the phone the entire time, even as Brett and I screamed and we rolled. My poor mom heard the whole thing happen and was terrified. As soon as we landed I told her, “We’re fine, we’re all fine, I have to go,” and hung up because I needed to take Elanor from Brett. She, of course, was freaked out, and I felt bad just hanging up, but I had to help Elanor more than I needed to reassure my mom.

Thankfully, an off-duty firefighter was a few cars back so he stopped and was able to help us right away, before the state patrol and firefighters and paramedics arrived. Having him there was wonderful and very reassuring. We needed someone to take charge and tell us what to do; the four minutes or so until the emergency personnel arrived seemed long enough with someone there. It would have seemed like an eternity if he hadn’t been. So, to Steve from the Black Lake Fire Department: thank you.

The paramedics said it really didn’t seem like we needed to go to the ER, and having had our fill of ambulance rides for the year since we took several around the time of my heart incident, we agreed with them. At that point we just wanted to get to our families and did not want to spend hours and hours in the ER on Christmas Eve. Brett and I are sore, obviously, but other than that, all we came away with was a few bumps and bruises (my laptop was closed in my lap and hit me in the head; I’ve got a nice bruise from that) and I have a small cut on my cheek from the glass from the windshield.

The state patrol had us drive the car off the freeway, even, which is something of a miracle: even though it’s completely totaled we are okay, were able to walk away, and could drive it off the interstate. My laptop is fine, although the case is scratched, my glasses didn’t break, our camera had been sitting in the back seat and it was fine, too. Even the French press we had in the back for Rachel for Christmas didn’t break. (I was shocked it was in one piece when she opened it!)

After we got off the highway and the car was towed away, we wound up renting a car and continuing on our trip since we were already nearly halfway there and we’d have to drive at least an hour and a half to get home anyway. Before we left Olympia, we stopped at Target and I bought a new carseat for Elanor (the same one, since it seemed to work so well before — the Graco ComfortSport).

We talked to Robbie, the owner of the car, when we were still sitting on the highway. Obviously, we feel awful about it, but there was truly nothing Brett could have done differently. He wasn’t being reckless, and was driving at a safe speed given what the conditions were.

Anyway, the whole thing was terrifying and not a fun way to spend Christmas Eve but we are all okay and we are so thankful for that, and so glad, too, that we were able to be with our families to celebrate. Once we were able to forget about how awful the accident was, we had an awesome time and are so glad we made it to Portland after all.

The bottom line is that we are just so thankful that we’re all okay. We keep jokingly saying to each other that we can only cheat death so many times in one year. It’s been quite a year, and these are only the life-threatening events. I left out all the hard but not life-threatening things: going back to work in April after my maternity leave was over and then that month where I worked full-time, Brett traveling so much this fall, being on a really tight budget, Brett and I enduring some challenges in our relationship with each other, a rodent infestation in our house (yeah, that was really fun…not) — I could go on, but I’ll stop right there. It’s just been hard, and 2006 and 2007 were that way, too: Brett being jobless, having a miscarriage, then being pregnant and so sick and miserable.

We are so ready for a change from that pattern. We both hope, along with our families, that 2009 holds nothing but routine, boring, normal life for us, or at least that the only big events are thoroughly good ones. We are tired of having these brushes with death; although we’re grateful to have been able to walk away from all of them with everything intact, we’d much prefer avoiding them altogether.

I’ll post something about our actual Christmas soon, probably mostly pictures since I took about a jillion of them. It was a very fun time; we felt very loved and blessed by our families, and so grateful to be with them on the holiday. Elanor had a great time, too, and I’m happy that we spent her first Christmas with all of our loved ones — even if getting there was not a fun experience.

It was a great trip in a lot of ways. Christmas itself was wonderful; we had a lovely time with our families and feel very spoiled and blessed and loved.

The drive down, however, was not so great, but it’s too late now to write about it so I’ll try to get it written in the next few days. It’s quite the story.

Anyway, I’m here; I just didn’t get time in front of a computer while we were down in Portland, so I didn’t get to blog. But I promise there’s lots of posts in the works for the next week or so.

Merry (belated) Christmas to everyone, and a very happy New Year as well, although I hope to post again before then.

Anyway, I had another doctor’s appointment today. The exciting news (well, exciting to me, anyway) is that I’m 1 centimeter dilated and 75% effaced. Yay! Progress! Of course, I realize that people walk around for weeks dilated to 4 and don’t go into labor at all, but still — it’s nice to think that all the contractions I’ve been having (some painful ones, too) are doing something.

This was the appointment where we talked through the fact that this baby is ginormous and what the plan should be because of that. My doctor was great; she outlined the risks of both a vaginal birth and a c-section and said that she would let us decide. As I think I’ve mentioned before, I’d really like to do this vaginally, which I told her. And she said that was fine, and we’d just hope I go into labor soon-ish so the baby doesn’t get too much bigger.

She said that once my labor starts, she won’t treat it any differently than any other birth just because my baby is big, which was a relief to hear. Another relief was talking through the scenarios that would cause her to recommend a c-section — severely stalled labor (like pushing for hours and making no progress) or fetal distress (the baby’s heart rate dropping or fluctuating). Those are both scenarios in which Brett and I feel that a c-section would be appropriate, so it’s good to know that she will recommend one if she feels that it’s in the best interest of either me or the baby.

So that’s the update. I’m definitely having contractions, like I said, and am starting to feel more and more uncomfortable (I mean, dude, I’m to the point where even sleeping hurts…yeah, not fun), which is a little hard to believe considering I’ve been uncomfortable for weeks. But somehow it’s possible, and somehow I keep getting through it. Thankfully, though, this weekend was, for the most part, relaxing.

The only day that was really intense was Christmas Eve. Both Brett and I felt a little of the nesting instinct, as we cleaned the house and organized things. Brett even did some touch-up painting in the bathroom. If that’s not sympathy nesting, I don’t know what is!

Also on Christmas Eve, I made our traditional Christmas Eve dinner and dessert (vegetarian tortilla soup and individual chocolate souffle cakes) for us and for four of our friends who came over. After dinner, Brett and I went to church at St. Mark’s, the Episcopal Cathedral, which was beautiful. There’s something about the liturgy at Christmas that just touches my heart and truly makes it seem like Christmas. Anyway, Christmas Eve was a very long day and by the end of the evening, standing up and walking were both extremely challenging, but it was worth it.

Otherwise, Brett and I spent the weekend napping and playing an excessive amount of video games, both on our old-school Nintendo and on the Super Nintendo that we just hooked up. (You know that if you have a blister on your thumb and your arm is sore from pushing the jump button over and over that you’ve played too much Zelda and Donkey Kong Country.)

Oh yeah, I totally forgot I promised an ultrasound picture. Here you go. I don’t know how much you’ll be able to see unless you are a seasoned ultrasound picture interpreter, but I’ll try to post descriptions through the magic of photoshop.

It says Happy Birthday Noni on it because Brett’s mom’s birthday was the day after the ultrasound, so we had the tech type that and we emailed it to his mom. She got a kick out of it!

I hope those descriptions help. I know it can be hard to see the face — it just looks blobby and kind of creepy and alien-like, but then, that’s the nature of ultrasounds, I guess.

If you can see the face at all, and you have an opinion, I’d love to hear whether you think it’s a boy or a girl!

And with that, I’m off to bed. I have to get up early to be at work tomorrow…at least it is a short week!

Brett always loves to be a smart-aleck, and when I ask him where something is, he’ll respond, “If it was up your ass you’d know.” Well, from the looks of this photo, it seems as though he would have been right had I asked him the location of the scissors.

Notice the dog, Dylan, in the lower right-hand corner? I’m sure he’s thinking, “Dude, these humans are sooo weird. What are they doing with that tape?”

Here we are, almost done ghetto-ify-ing our suitcase. Good times.

(Epilogue: The tape held perfectly, all the way home.)

Little Aud, looking crazed with all the wrapping paper and ribbon around.

Our little familiy, and all our presents, piled on our futon/bed (we’ve been sleeping downstairs because it’s so cold upstairs where our real bed is). Brett’s been keeping the house quite toasty with the fireplace lately.

Christmas Eve — the fire roars as Brett reclines in the Poang, drinking a beer, after eating tortilla soup and about three chocolate souffles.

Our Christmas Eve guests, Anita (whom we know from Brett’s school) and Brad (whom we know from Brett’s work).

Mmmmm….whipped cream. Mmmmm.

The nine individual chocolate souffles I made for dessert. Yummy heavenly goodness in a ramekin.

Overall, it was a great couple of days. I got an awesome sweater from my mom (basically she found exactly what I had in mind, after probably over three months of searching for it), some very generous monetary gifts from my dad, the in-laws, and a couple of Brett’s relatives, and a really sweet journal from our friend Becca.

We slept a ton yesterday (two naps!), ate cinnamon rolls and pizza, drank champagne, watched two movies (one of which was Danny Deckchair, which I highly recommend — hilariously funny movie that has elements of a romantic quality, but very little of the cheesiness that usually accompanies that genre) and went to church. A very merry Christmas, indeed.

I have had 2 glasses of champagne and one beer so I am, as a result, slightly tipsy. Woo!

It’s about 40 mins later now…and we are about ready to leave for church. Overall, a good evening…good food…fun company…a good time.

After that, I felt better, and reassured. I went to get a movie and then we had a nice relaxing evening watching Revenge of the Nerds (which I had never seen!) and Wallace and Gromit. In a grand gesture of generosity, Brett told me to get whatever I wanted at the video store, which is something that almost never happens. (Movie choosing, for us, is usually a negotiation dance of sorts, wherein we make suggestions, and offer concessions, and eventually come to some kind of agreement.) So we watched two very silly movies (well, three, because we watched both A Grand Day Out and The Wrong Trousers) and laughed and life seemed ok again.

Tonight, we’re going to clean in anticipation of having some friends over for Christmas Eve dinner. I’m going to make vegetarian Tortilla Soup (a long, involved, 3-to-4-hour process, but oh-so-worth-it.) and for dessert, individual chocolate souffle cakes with fresh whipped cream. MMMM. We had that last year and it was so good I decided to make it every year we’re home on Christmas Eve.

Tomorrow, I’ll go to the grocery store, do any last minute cleaning, and then cook. We’ll have dinner with Anita (from school), Brad (from Brett’s work), and maybe another friend from Brett’s work. Then Brett and I will go to the 10:00 Christmas Eve service at the Episcopal Cathedral downtown. It’s always a beautiful service, and a full Eucharist, so there will be communion and a (short) sermon, with lots of carols played on their gorgeous organ. I am really looking forward to it.

Christmas Day, we have no plans. We have a few movies coming from Netflix (side note: if you have Netflix, email me! I’ll put you on my friends list…) and will probably just be lazy and eat cinnamon rolls. One year, I tried to make cinnamon rolls from scratch, which ended up being way too much work, and they weren’t even that good. So, although I am embarrassed to admit it, I will buy the kind in the can that you get from the refrigerated case. You know, the ones that are full of fat and hydrogenated oil that you have to bang against the counter to open. Oh well. They taste good so I don’t care. We never buy them otherwise, so one day a year can’t hurt too much.

Anyway. I just wanted to say thanks to those of you who commented and emailed yesterday. I really appreciate having friends like you.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Along his journey, he meets the Lethargians, who inhabit the Doldrums. They are lazy and disaffected and bored and depressed. (The entire book is full of this type of play on words, which is something I loved about it back in the day and still love now.)

Here is a copy of one of the drawings from the book, when Milo encounters the Lethargians living in the Doldrums.

The point of all of this is to basically say that I feel like I’m right there with Milo in the Doldrums today. I don’t know why. I think it’s a combination of hormones, worry about making it financially, and the loneliness that comes with being away from family during Christmastime.

As much as being in Oregon during the holidays is difficult because of the nine million family obligations we have, I wish we were there this year. This will be our third Christmas alone. The first two were great, because it was so freeing not to have the pressures of having to divide our time between five places. This year? I’d give my eyeteeth to have to do that.

I would love to spend just 3 hours with my mom and sister and niece and nephew, going to see Santa with them at the big department store downtown. I wish I could see their little faces as they talked to Santa. (Sh*t, now I’m crying.) My family has gone to see Santa there for as long as I can remember. It’s a whole floor of the department store they turn into the “North Pole,” and the same awesome Santa is there every year. Well, this is the last year they are doing it. Damn Macy’s bought the store and are going to discontinue it and make effing condos. And I will never get to go there again and I will never get to take my kids there and that makes me really sad.

I wish I could spend a few hours baking with Brett’s mom and sisters. I called the other day and that’s what they were doing. I would love to be hanging with them, in our jammies all day, making gingersnaps and snickerdoodles and eating more than we save as we watch and laugh at trashy daytime TV.

I wish I could be with my sister-in-law and my niece and nephew on Christmas. I’ve only spent two Christmases with them, and that was when year my 8-year-old niece was under 2 years old. My nephew wasn’t born yet. I especially wish I could be there this year since my brother has been deployed to Korea and won’t be able to be with them. My mom is there, though, which is good.

I wish I could open presents with my dad and stepmom while drinking good wine as we sit in front of the fire, then go to church with them on Christmas Eve.

I wish I could give Brett’s Grandma Dori a hug. She’s the sweetest lady ever and the only grandma I’ve got left. Same with Brett’s Grandpa Buz and his new wife, Gloria, and all the rest of Brett’s extended family. His aunts, uncles, cousins, who have adopted me into their family and whom I love dearly. I wish I could see them this weekend, too.

But I can’t. I can’t do any of these things because I am 3,000 miles away. And I am going to have to come to terms with that. Really soon. Like about 4 hours ago.

It is what it is, we are here in Maine, and that is how it has to be for now. I just needed to vent all of this out. And strangely, I feel a lot better having done so.

The mechanic called a little while ago. The problem is, in fact, a bad water pump. Thank God it’s not the entire freaking radiator system, which is what we were afraid of after reading those horror stories on the internet.

We decided to go ahead and have them do the repair, since we don’t know when Caleb would be able to get to it. It’s going to cost a bit of money, but nothing near as bad as I feared, so it didn’t sound too bad when Brett told me the cost. They should have the car done today, too, so we can pick it up this afternoon.

Also, a big thanks to Randy, one of my co-workers, who offered to let us use his family’s second car this weekend, since he’ll be out of town. He called last night and said, “I was reading your blog and I saw that you’re going to be carless this weekend. You guys can borrow our car if you want.” How generous of him! I was really touched.

So for now, it seems the car trouble is solved. What a relief! I just hope we can fix the other small things that need fixing so we can continue on the road of getting it ready to sell in a couple months.